Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
