He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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