I hate all girls vehemently.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
