Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize