i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
