If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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