sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
