drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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