Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
