it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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