tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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