and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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