Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
