i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
