Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
