officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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