I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
