I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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