there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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