Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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