I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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