Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
