now i know why i became what i already was.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
