His pubic hair was longer than his dick
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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