Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
