Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
