from now on my penis is your penis
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
