tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
