If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
