dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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