i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
