Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
