anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
