Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
