No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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