Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
