I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
