is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
