happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
