hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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