areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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