he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
