Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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