Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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