Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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