should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
