laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
