I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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