Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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