apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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