i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
