honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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