i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
