Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we're so committed to being not committed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
