We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
