Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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