It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
