Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
