So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize