uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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