you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't turn off my feet"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
