i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
