2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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