If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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