I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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