that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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