Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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